I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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