I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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