Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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