ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
