We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
