My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
