So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
