Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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