He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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