What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
