Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
