I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is Oprah even human
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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