I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
