I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
