what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
