Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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