she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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