Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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