wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
