Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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