I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
