My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
