i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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