just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i need some magic done to my vagina
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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