The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
