So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are the jesus of drinking
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
