i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
