cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
