it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
