My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
