broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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