I heard we made out
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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