I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
