And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
