piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I need help removing her.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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