and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
