speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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