I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
