no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
