giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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