No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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