my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
