Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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