i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
