On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
