hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
