At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
