I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
