sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
