And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
