Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
