We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
