It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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