so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
