we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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