Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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