It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
