ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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