Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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