Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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