Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
