Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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