Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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