Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
