Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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