You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
