we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
