do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
