my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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