Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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