I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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