i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
