I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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