so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
where are my eyebrows?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
